Modern dating, Unfiltered

« I had to block him », « You won’t believe what my Tinder date did ». How many times have you had to hear these words or utter them?

(…) And that raises one question: what is going on with modern dating? Is the whole sense of chivalry and respect lost? Or are the men so thrown off by modern women’s behavior that they don’t know how to behave anymore?

In the sea of endless possibilities and fast results, have we totally lost our sense of romance?

One thing is for sure, something in modern dating has become seriously unbalanced, and rather than to make it a tragedy, let’s take it as an invitation to reaffirm ourselves. Do we want a partner? Yes. Do we want to become our boyfriends’ mothers? No. Let’s say that again.

More and more women are realizing they no longer want to tolerate ambiguity, inconsistency, or emotional immaturity. They want to be treated with care and respect. Have a nice dinner with someone who does not expect sex because he paid for a meal. This should be the baseline, not the goal. The standards are so distorted that women are ready to settle for the one who opened the door.

Dating should be about getting to know the person in front of you, caring for them, enjoying your time together; not calculating whether you should have sex on the second or third date. Not molding yourself into a cute little princess who doesn’t have needs.

Women’s nervous systems are wired for safety and consistency, and more often than not what happens in modern dating is what we call a « situationship ». None of the parties know who they are to one another, and my guess is that it does not benefit the men either.

When we find ourselves in chronic uncertainty, something in us knows it isn’t right. Most of the time, women end up shrinking, trying to fit in a situation that their nervous system is designed to reject. This is when chronic anxiety rises. When headaches intensify. When cycles become more painful. This is the body registering that something is off.

If a man says « we’re just hanging out » or « I don’t know what we are just yet », establish your boundaries and do not wait until he is ready to give you what you need. He might never be. A grounded and mature man who is ready to have a woman in his life brings clarity. You wouldn’t have to guess. He would tell you.

Choose differently. Choose the partner who values your time and energy instead of draining it.

If the energy feels evaluative instead of curious, that tells you everything you need to know. Go with the man who makes you feel safe, who follows-through and already made the plans. The one who booked the restaurant and doesn’t leave you guessing. Don’t go for the unclear mysterious man who love bombs you before you even met. No matter how good he looks.

Do not go for the guy who calls you sweetheart during your two first minutes of talking, but for the one who asks questions about your day and what you liked as a child. And please do not mistake stress for « butterflies ». A man who actually likes and respects you will make you feel calm, not on edge.

That is all for today my loves 🤍

See you for the next issue!

Elodie